Lifelong Learning Programme

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Personal Experience

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You learn to read the others’ heart

Anonymous
Language: English
Country: Italy
Typology: patients and relatives
Text:
How can I explain the pain of a little girl? Fear, anxiety, terror. The strong desire of wanting to die. Of trying to die. At the beginning of a life (six years old), everything should be easy and beautiful. But that is not the case. The terror torments you, anguish and fear are endless. Then, it becomes a constant thought, there is so much despair that the only solution appears to be death. This thought stays with you all your life. As the easiest solution. But God has other plans for you. He has put a gift in your heart, "love" for people who are suffering. Only those who have suffered very much can understand the pain and suffering of others. Your heart perceives every thought of suffering in others. It is as you have learned to read the others’ heart. And now that the disease torments you and you cannot do anything more, you reach the bottom. You look at the world that is suffering; at children in the world, and you feel a sense of uselessness because you can not do anything more for anyone. You have spent your life begging for LOVE, and giving love. It is as if this need to give and receive is endless. You are like dead, there is nothing more inside you, apart from sadness. The fact you are no longer useful, not even to your family, makes you feel as if you are a burden. The fact that you will no longer see your little granddaughter, fill her with your love, is atrocious. It is as if there were two people in you. One is full of desire to give and help. But it is crushed by the other person, the disease that does not allow you to live. It kills your joy, your hope, day after day. The only real desire you have when you go to bed in the evening. After thanking God, you dream of not waking up next morning. You already know everything about this suffering. And every day you increasingly fear it. No one can do anything for you. Only God, in his mercy, can carry you at home in peace.


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