Lifelong Learning Programme

This project has been funded with support from the European Commission.
This material reflects the views only of the author, and the Commission cannot be held responsible for any use which may be made of the information contained therein

Also available in:


Training > Experiences

Personal Experience

back to the list

My husband left family.

Language: English
Country: Lithuania
Typology: patients and relatives
Rasyte lives in Kaunas. She was just 16 when the first symptoms of MS started. Now 47, she explains what it was like to be diagnosed with relapsing remitting MS. It all started when I was 15 and just about to start my work experience, when I got a phone call saying my boyfriend had cheated on me. I was very upset and within seconds my vision had doubled. I told my mum what had happen and she made me an appointment to see the GP the next day. When we got to the GP we told him what was going on and he said that it was most likely due to stress but I should go to the opticians anyway. So we did. The optician gave me the normal eye examination and said to me 'I don't think your eyes are working together properly," and suggested we go down to hospital. The doctor at the hospital decided to admit me. First they had to put a catheter (needle thing) in my hand. They missed three times and it really hurt. Then they sent me for a brain scan. They thought it might be a tumour. But it was not. After two days of eye examinations they said 'you have got palsy of the six nerves it should get better in a few weeks." But my mum was not convinced. So my mum asked if I could have an MRI SCAN. The doctor said 'it’s not necessary it won't be anything else." But my mum kept on so they said I could have one done as an out patient. So that what happened and after a couple of weeks my vision was back to normal. Six weeks later I was feeling really ill (not ms related) so mum called out the doctor and as the doctor arrived the phone rang. My mum picked it up. It was the results of my MRI scan, but the lady on the phone said 'I am going to need to speak to your GP." So my mum said 'well strangely enough the GP is here." So the lady on the phone spoke to the gp. When the gp got off the phone he explained to us that I had demyelization of the brain, and worst case scenario is that it could be MS, but it was unlikely because of my age and that I would have to go in hospital for tests next week. At the hospital I had blood tests, another MRI but the thing I was most scared of was the lumber puncture. I had to lie on my back and be very still and one doctor was guiding the other doctor in. ''Sorry we are going to have to do it again." She has missed. I got very upset I felt like a guinea pig, and my mum got angry and said that I was not going to let them do it. So a consultant had to come up and do it for me. She was nice and did it right away. Now all I had to do was going home and wait. Before I got the result the double vision had returned so my mum phoned the hospital and they admitted me again. When we got up there they had some of the results back. They all pointed to MS so the doctors decided it was but to give me a course of intravenous steroids. This happened a long time ago. Now life has changed. I am a mother and my sons have 24 hours a day job. My sons found theirselves in the role of primary caretakers, whether they asked for the job or not. This choice was delegated by unspoken agreement among my husband and sons.My husband decided that they are “best suited to provide care for Mom”. They might work part-time, or be a stay-at-home Mom or run a home-based business. In such cases, my husband felt that they don’t “have a real job” so they have the time to care for disabled mother. Recently my husband left family. My husband said he can't live with my depression anymore which makes me a bit angry because when I first became ill after our second son he said there was nothing wrong with me. I told him my Psychotherapist said I needed someone to talk to and he said he didn’t have the patience. I tried to go to therapy recently but found it very distressing talking about my mum and my relationship problems and when I came home from the second session my husband said so does the psychotherapist think we should split up which wasn't why I had gone. The psychotherapist also queried whether my husband was having an affair which hadn't really occurred to me and since then I can’t get that thought out of my head which has been aggravated by my husband constantly threatening to leave me and him having several close female friends who he talks to on face book and he wouldn’t let me be a friend on his face book page and he has recently blocked his page so that I can’t see who his friends are. He has also worked away for the last 6 months which hasn’t helped. I know this isn’t relevant now as he has gone.

Your comments are welcome.
Fill the form and click "Send message".

PASSWORD (*required)

NAME (*required)

COUNTRY (*required)

TYPOLOGY (*required)